A Midnight Note

There are times when I feel so exhilarated and then suddenly gasp for air when my mood drops like a stone falling from the sky. Is this bipolar disorder? No, no, not that bad. But when under stress and terrible mood, now I know what to do. I just have to shut myself out from the din of the world, and find solace and comfort in my solitary space. Then I would get out of my body and mind, seeing myself from my soul, and feeling that immense Power of Love reflect on my experience. I would say some incantation, usually the word ‘Jesus’ a lot of times. Then logic takes over, . . . then that light, glimmering first, flickering at times, but unmistakably growing brighter and brighter. Then a few deep breaths, . . . then understanding, . . . then peace . . . .

Jesus Christ . . . I know you have always been with me ALL the time, not even a fraction of second missing my heartbeat.

Tonight is a sleepless night, but I worry much less. Tomorrow is another mentoring session, probably the last for this year. Then a long holiday will set me apart from my mentees. I hope everything goes lovingly, and I do look forward to seeing them again sometime in February 2011 when the new semester begins.

A long uphill battle, sometimes I am so high in the sky, sometimes diving helplessly onto the ground, but now I worry much less for I know the Force is always with me . . . .

Good night!

4 Comments

  1. Saya rasa spirituality pun ada kenaikan kelas-nya ya pak, kayak dari SD, SMP, SMA trus kuliah… Only when you get to know your own fear & anxiety that you can be free from it… Itulah naik kelas, lalu menghadapi pelajaran berikutnya…

    And I guess you were practicing concentration meditation when you were citing Jesus’ name on and on… the same as when you practice rosario prayer… or moslems practice wirit… or buddhists practice anapanasati (concentration on breathing in & out)… those practices will lead to deep concentration… and in deep concentration you will experience calm & peace…

  2. Fiona, ya, betul sekali. Makanya agak susah mengajak mentee-mentee saya untuk melihat dunia atau menyembuhkan luka batin dengan cara saya, yang sudah 40 tahun lebih hidup di dunia. Mereka masih pada taraf SD, sementara saya mungkin sudah SMP kelas 3. Nah, cara persepsi seorang spiritualist yang sudah sekelas Jiidu pasti juga jauh lebih tinggi daripada saya:)

    Thanks for the name anapanasati. I have been doing that several times but have never had any idea what it is called:)

    Patrisius

  3. Really good to know that you are practicing meditation, Pak. In my opinion, every teacher should do the same thing so that they can radiate peaceful mind to their students: the best thing one can give to another…

    Sedangkan Jiddu Krishnamurti selalu membicarakan tentang kesadaran setiap saat sehingga batin menjadi ‘bebas’ … bebas dari dikotomi: baik vs buruk, masa lalu vs masa depan, kesedihan vs kebahagiaan, dst… Against mainstream lah pokoknya pak, dan itupun latihan meditasinya bukan meditasi konsentrasi melainkan ‘insight’ meditation (disebut vipassana dlm buddhism)… Sebenarnya meditasi khas buddhism ya meditasi vipassana ini pak…

  4. Wah, keren juga ya ajarannya Jiddu. Saya rasa-rasakan, apa ya bisa kita membebaskan diri dari dikotomi tersebut. Thanks for the information. Vipassana yah, I’ll keep it in mind.

    Patrisius

Leave a Reply